Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Dating Dichotomies

Happy relationships are lovely things; special and important. Songs sound nicer when you're in a relationship. Being single isn't a bad thing though! Singletons (to borrow from Brigit Jones) enjoy more social connections, freedom of choice, and get to trash talk all the stupid mushy love songs on the radio. Problems don't arise until the transition between single and not. The world of dating is a terrible terrible place where all the principles and standards from both sides of the fence meet in a twisted mash of dichotomies, oxymorons, catch-22's and contradictions.

Examples, askith you? Very well. Take for instance this time devoted to "really getting to know" another person... one who was a stranger just a short time before. How does one do this? Why by behaving and acting their very best, of course! Is anyone really good at just being themselves on a first date?

Another example? How about the universal idea (amongst single 30-somethings) that one is only interested in spending time in a relationship if it's going to be long-term and serious, which of course you have to decide upon long before you know whether or not the relationship will be long-term and/or serious.

More? In my humble opinion it's impossible to be 30-something, on a date, and truly totally single. The only truly single people aren't dating, at all. The best you can hope for is that the person on a date with you is simply "not living" with any one. There's always a tiny little complication in there some where!

And none of this is considering the ferms and merms and such. Those poor buggers!

The saddest irony? The best daters have the shortest careers. They get promoted quickly to "relationship" status. So it's the pathetic buggers (*blushes*) who are bad at dating who are condemned the longest to it.


Charline said...

Try all that....and being 40 not yet something! Now there's a topic for blogging! Cheers!

Minka said...

Gosh Morgan, when did it get so difficult?
I agree with you, there always is a catch soemwhere. A friend of mine, 30-something, said the other day to me, "You know what Monika, now that we are 30 it is harder to find a guy for us."I agreed and asked her why she thought that was. She said guys that are over 30 and not in a relationship, married or otherwise taken care off or either gay or something must be wrong with them. So I asked her what it was that was wrong with us. She looked perplexed.
I know that people say you are as old as you feel and all that sweet nonsense, but there is a stigma attached and some of us are livign with it. When you finally find a date that wants to go out with you, there are already so many strings attached from the get go it is over-powering.
I truly believe that at 30 we pretty much almost sorta know what we want, we definitely know what we don't want. Sadly that narrows it down to two and one of them is a player and the other likes to stay home Friday Nights and watch "Ready Set Cook!"
I guess there's always hope.

Minka said...

"standards from both sides of the fence meet in a twisted mash of dichotomies, oxymorons, catch-22's and contradictions."

It doesn't have to be. There is only as much bull as you put into it. Be honest, what do you have to lose? Grow old together and get tired of each other???

I Dive At Night said...

Charline, Forty?!?! Oh well, if it makes you feel better, a close friend just turned 45 so I've deciced to stop considering that to be "old".

Minka, well put. A perfect example of another dichotomy I've often met.

Other Minka, yep, that's what there is too loose.

Charline said...

Yes Mo, 40..but a young 40!!LOL!There are advantages and disadvantages to this age bracket.
It sort of creeped up on me without my noticing...still feel 20, 12 or 31 depending on the day!!

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Irene Bons said...

Well hey, you know all about my story, but just to give some hope to others that haven't found their prince(ss) yet: I found my (first) love at 35, and we're still together almost 2,5 years later. So my feeling is that the relationships you start in your mid thirties are the ones that may last the longest, since you've allready had your "wild years".