Sunday, February 25, 2007

Bob Ross

Do you know the painting show with Bob Ross? Originally a PBS show I think, now it means you're the only one watching TV.

I think Bob is nuts. He's at a minimum, unique. (He's also deceased I believe.) But in his time he seems to have lived a "happy little" life, painting his "happy little trees" along the "happy little path". Remember that when you're painting there are no mistakes, just "happy little accidents".

Just once I'd love to see the real Bob. Could you imagine the outtakes from his painting show and the ways they could be hilarious?!?

Firstly, I would expect a lot of questionable smoking on the set. I picture Bob's bong was probably a hookah of some sort. And that must have caused lots of outtake potential!

Take 1
[Bob stands at his easel painting] Okay so just take a little brown and black and mix 'em up real good. Now ... now just ... shit. [faces stage left and yells] What the hell was I painting here guys?

Take 2
Okay so take your good old friend mister fan-brush, and just put a few birds here, and here, and maybe one over there [Bob steps back and looks at his painting] Damn! That last bird looks like it's flying through the F&#^%# tree. What the hell was that?

Take 3
If you want to make a change, no worries. Let's just mix up a little more green and white and paint a happy little tree over these birds. A few branches here, and few more here. There. [Bob starts to laugh uncontrollably. Eventually he regains control and faces the camera.] I just painted the tree over the damn mountain and not the birds. Wow I'm f*$%ed!

Friday, February 23, 2007

Five Countries In One Day

Yep, that's right, five. With six border crossings. I awoke in Munich (after last night's flight) at 6am and left quickly for my 9:30 meeting. Only had to drive from Germany, to Austria, to Switzerland, and into Liechtenstein. Then at noon it was Liechtenstein to Austria - we took the other road - to Germany and then finally a flight from Munich to Amsterdam.

And I never showed my passport once! Even though into and out of Switzerland there is a "normal" border... the car with German plates just got waved through.

Despite the TOTAL lack of border security, the security guard at Munich Flughafen (airport) got rather close and personal. What's the etiquette for that? Do I need to call him tomorrow? Are we dating now?

I hope not.

Now if you'll excuse me; I really like this 5th country as my friends are here and waiting for me in town. Time to loose the "airplane" smell then get out and enjoy!

Thursday, February 22, 2007


I've never been to Liechtenstein before, but I'll be there (for a few hours) tomorrow. I'm packing now for my flight to Munich tonight. That will be followed tomorrow morning by a long drive, short meeting, long drive, and another flight from Munich back to Amsterdam. Ah business travel. The fun of it.

Strangely enough, with all this "exciting" travelling, the bulk of my focus is on the short meeting. I get to demonstrate the software product that up until a few weeks ago I hadn't seen. Now that's exciting!

Picture a mine field and a sleezy realestate agent. Knowing where all the mines are buried, the sleezy agent takes a casual-looking stroll through the field telling his customer about what a lovely piece of land they're on and how good a deal it is. Tomorrow I'll be taking a casual-looking stroll through a software demonstration, trying extremely hard to remember where all the mines are and avoid them.

We can't use the term "bug". It's a company wide policy. So we have "mines". I don't care. "Undocumented features"? No, that implies documentation.

How ever it's called, for me it meens work is once again challenging and exciting. Even if I do have to take a bus to a train to a plane to a subway to a car to Liechtenstein just to get to that point.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Year of the Golden Pig

Happy Chinese New Year! Tonight at midnight billions will celebrate the coming of the year of the golden pig (aka Fire Boar). Apparently a much more exciting thing than all those normal pig years.

I was born in the year of the pig (on the third last time it swung by) and so I think that this will be a golden year for me. One can hope at least.

While you rush out of the house to stock up on fireworks and paper laterns, don't forget to take a moment and say Hi to the golden pig. He's playful, and golden.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Happy Singles Awareness Day!

Yes, today is SAD. And I think I'm okay with that.

According to Wikipedia, Singles Awareness Day (aka Valentine's Day) is a chance to rebel against the conformity of boxes of chocolates, glossy cards, and suddenly-expensive roses.

So if you have someone special to snuggle with today, congratulations to you. We don't want to hear about it! For the rest of us, there's SAD.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Sex sells!

While not truly "sex" I have definitely seen, in my blog and those of others, that topics on "love", "romance", etc. do sell better than normal daily posts. More traffic, more comments, more.

Understandable. There is a stereotype related to spending too much time on the 'net versus going out and meeting people. Thankfully my life has allowed ample of both, and when I have to decide between the two blogging looses. I haven't had nearly the time since starting the new job, and the number of blog posts reflects that.

In my - mildly twisted - world, time socializing often takes priority over sleep! Forget about emails and blogs. I've spent a lot of late nights choosing to be with friends in town or on the phone instead of getting a proper night's rest. It's a personal trait, not a flaw! There will be plenty of time to sleep once my body gives out and I'm forced to rest.

So given all that, why is it the only non-fiction blog entries I could write about romance would all be tales of woe?

I think the concept of "not looking" to find someone is over-rated tripe!!! I've been actively not looking for so long now that I think I'm becoming oblivious to opportunity. In some cultures, a man happy and content in his life appears attractive and women approach him. In Holland, a man smiling and looking about as he walks down the street is an enigma. Women don't seem to approach men here at all. (Girls, engaging in a polite conversation is not flirting!) To the best of my knowledge and research, locals meet each other through friends and family. An intro from grandma is golden! A reference as a friend's friend is a minimum. After all, why would you stop and talk to someone you don't know???


I don't know. It doesn't matter. I think the best perscription is a few dozen games of pool and a couple beers. Tomorrow I'll have other things to worry about and better ways to fill my time. But given it's Sunday, wouldn't it be really cool to have someone special to spend a quiet rainy day with? Or is that too much to ask for when life is otherwise going well?

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Love is in the air??? Where!?!

Damn horoscopes! Excerts from mine today read, "Love is in the air, the trees, and the people around you. Whatever you do today, make sure that you spend the evening with someone special." It goes on to chide that I should, "Experience the full-body sensation of being immersed in love with the world around."

That's much like reading, "You should be a millionaire by now. Quit your job and start enjoying life today."

Gee thanks.

So apparently if I return home out-of-love tonight it's simply my fault. The stars are saying everything is right there in front of me. Strangely enough, I can't see the woman in question, and honestly, don't expect to meet her tonight. Hell, I've been under the influence of the full moon all weekend, so any woman meeting me now is VERY likely to think, "Asshole." The reality is, "Full of energy from time to time." (I'm not clinically bipolar... just very gemini.)

"Whatever you do today, make sure that you spend the evening with someone special."

And if I thought I had someone special to spend my evening with... I would never have browsed to my horoscope or questioned what I should be doing tonight!!!

I just wish it wasn't a free horoscope because I'm so bloody ticked off by what it said I want to run amok demanding my money back!

As a public service, here are a few "Morganized" Horrorscopes for some of the signs I know:

Falling in love today is a good idea. So is receiving large amounts of money. If in doubt, do both.

That which does not kill you, or leave you seriously wounded, only makes you stronger. Try to keep living all day. It will be easier tomorrow. Or not.

Fishie Fish Fish
You're so perfect people will follow you any where. Thus make sure to check around you before closing the bathroom door. Check inside the shower, for example.

Think long and hard about what you've done! Practice making very sad and appologetic expressions to avoid being slapped by other people.

Stinging Vermom
If you actually started something you might actually get something finished too. But in reality you might also just give up part way through.

"Virgins" *cough*
Today will be packed full of energy all around you. Perhaps explosions, perhaps fire, good luck avoiding the resulting damage.

Approx. 3% of the population is mashocistic... enjoying pain. Thus today about 3% of people under this star-sign are going to have a remarkably pleasurable day. The other 97%... not so much.