Sunday, February 04, 2007

Love is in the air??? Where!?!

Damn horoscopes! Excerts from mine today read, "Love is in the air, the trees, and the people around you. Whatever you do today, make sure that you spend the evening with someone special." It goes on to chide that I should, "Experience the full-body sensation of being immersed in love with the world around."

That's much like reading, "You should be a millionaire by now. Quit your job and start enjoying life today."

Gee thanks.

So apparently if I return home out-of-love tonight it's simply my fault. The stars are saying everything is right there in front of me. Strangely enough, I can't see the woman in question, and honestly, don't expect to meet her tonight. Hell, I've been under the influence of the full moon all weekend, so any woman meeting me now is VERY likely to think, "Asshole." The reality is, "Full of energy from time to time." (I'm not clinically bipolar... just very gemini.)

"Whatever you do today, make sure that you spend the evening with someone special."

And if I thought I had someone special to spend my evening with... I would never have browsed to my horoscope or questioned what I should be doing tonight!!!

I just wish it wasn't a free horoscope because I'm so bloody ticked off by what it said I want to run amok demanding my money back!

As a public service, here are a few "Morganized" Horrorscopes for some of the signs I know:

Jim-and-I
Falling in love today is a good idea. So is receiving large amounts of money. If in doubt, do both.

Caprikorn
That which does not kill you, or leave you seriously wounded, only makes you stronger. Try to keep living all day. It will be easier tomorrow. Or not.

Fishie Fish Fish
You're so perfect people will follow you any where. Thus make sure to check around you before closing the bathroom door. Check inside the shower, for example.

Crabs
Think long and hard about what you've done! Practice making very sad and appologetic expressions to avoid being slapped by other people.

Stinging Vermom
If you actually started something you might actually get something finished too. But in reality you might also just give up part way through.

"Virgins" *cough*
Today will be packed full of energy all around you. Perhaps explosions, perhaps fire, good luck avoiding the resulting damage.

That-Group-of-Stars-That-Looks-Like-That-Thing
Approx. 3% of the population is mashocistic... enjoying pain. Thus today about 3% of people under this star-sign are going to have a remarkably pleasurable day. The other 97%... not so much.

8 comments:

quilldancer said...

Morgan -- I quit reading my horoscope years ago. Why let some total stranger piss me off and ruin my whole day? Heck, I can usually do that just fine all by myself. I do like your version though -- cracked me up. You could make a popular blog out of this ...

IDiveAtNight said...

Thanks Quilly! Dangerous encouragement me thinks. >:-)

If nothing else my 'scope encouraged me to go out and try. Now at least I know one more woman who isn't instersted.

quilldancer said...

You know, I gave up and quit looking -- then OC found me. Sometimes it kinda works that way.

Minka said...

quilly, let´s just hope for the rest of us single people, that cupid has a station near us :)

Morgan, if you let other people´s writing affect your mood, well expect drama in your life ;)

Life can be grand on your own, I say that in my most hopeful manner!

quilldancer said...

Minka, Cupid shoots when you're least expecting it. And he has a wicked sense of humor because you might note the 2800 miles between our hearts.

IDiveAtNight said...

Ladies, thanks for the kinda words. Minka, I think the problem is that the horoscope was in-synch with my mood. After many many months (more than a year) of patiently NOT waiting for cupid's arrow I'm begging to think the little fat man is on extended vacation.

Life can be (and is) grand even alone. But it can be spectacular when shared with just the right person.

Grand is grand, so I'll go back to not waiting.

Irene said...

Hi there,

Finally a moment to react to your blog... About Cupid, you know my story: it can hit you in the strangest way and when you least expect it ! But I also agree with Minka: live CAN be grand on your own..... Good luck, and I hope you receive lots of cards on Valentines day !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Big hug,

Irene

Michael said...

Only a year???!!! - patience my boy - you are still young....