Thursday, March 12, 2009

I've got nothing to say

This blog has always been, primarily, about writing. I take my ideas and practice conveying them with written words.

Today, however, I have no ideas. I want to write. I want to blog. But beyond," I'm okay," I don't have anything to convey. I've got nothing to say.

Perhaps I'm living too much inside. Not just inside my apartment, but inside my head.

I have been out. I've been dancing with the glitterarty. I've been social with my friends. I've even escorted a lovely woman through town for drinks and food. I've exercised and been to the dojo. I've kicked and been kicked. But the best description I can come up with is that it's largely been on "auto-pilot".

Not to say I'm ignoring my friends! In a conversation, one-to-one, I'm there. But the surroundings aren't. The area beyond my friend, or laptop, or book just disappears.

I'm looking for the words. Just the right way to express the feeling. It isn't numbness, it's not emptiness. It isn't loneliness or longing. It's not about sad or happy or busy or bored. Is there a word for "inside-ness"? Is there an english word for the feeling of being protected inside your head regardless of where your body is?

So I wanted to blog. I wanted to write. I wanted to open a small window to the inside-ness and reach tentatively outside. But I've got nothing to say. My mind, like this post, is full of words but without a point.

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