Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Empty v. Full

The other day a friend of mine told me she felt "empty". Her life was in a state of change and the actual changes were fully beyond her personal control or influence. She looked towards her life plan to see if it gave a clue as to where to go. Alas, this introspection showed her she wasn't actually following her life plan and thus it's anticipated guidance was more an admonishment.

So when you're not sure where you are, where you're going, or the relative bearing to anyplace you'd like to be, the net result is like feeling empty.

I feel full. So full that the billion ideas inside are fighting all at once to get out. And the result is paralysis.

I need change. And I can see how small efforts in any one of a dozen directions can affect the changes I need. But which direction, which efforts? So many options bring too many questions. And the questions fill me, and stop me.

I see opportunities to write. Many. So many ideas need exploring, telling. But none will pay the rent. I see opportunities to change career. I could be an instructor, teacher, coach. I could go apply for a job in that office over there. I don't know what they do and I don't care. But while that's change, is it a good change? There is even, perhaps, a chance to return to a previous job, and employ my years-honed skills. But how far away from my own life-plan is that? A lot.

Empty and full feel completely different on the inside. But they look the same. It's a focus, missing from the face of the individual out of balance.

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