Friday, April 13, 2007

Bulimic Lunches Served Via the Web

Ross Island, Antartica - A new Internet service was launched Monday, bringing lunch service directly to bulimia and anorexia suffers via the World Wide Web. Based on HSTP (Hyper Smell Transport Protocols) the system uses a high-speed Internet connection, a standard web browser, and a small USB peripheral device that generates smells.

Hyper Smells Inc., a Tibetan based hardware manufacturer, originally developed their WhaStinx 2.0 smell simulation device to boost sales for online retailers. Pizza delivery companies, bulk food services, and others originally hoped that smelling the food they offered would improve business. Instead, customers were slow to buy the hardware which was priced at 12,600 Albania Lekes (roughly 5,700 Inidan Rupees). Those who did purchase the device found that the smells emitted actually reduced their desire to purchase, especially when ordering anchovies on a pizza or bulk pigs feet.

But researches did quickly discover that the WhaStinx smell simulator did produce a realistic enough smell to make those with eating disorders loose their lunch. Even when they hadn't yet eaten!

"In our first week marketting to those with eating disorders, we've made more sales than the first year of not-for-vomitting food sales," says Muhammad Goldstein, CEO of HSInc. "Young ladies in colleges and universities are always pushed for time. There isn't time to eat and purge between classes. But with the WhaStinx 2.0 they can enjoy the smells of a meal from their laptop leaving plenty of time for vomitting later."

Lin Yung Smith, a student of nanopsychology, helped to test prototypes of the device before it was marketted. "The price seems like a lot at first, but when compared to the amount of food I waste, it doesn't make sense not to buy this product!" She added," I can go to class and smell a hamburger - with or without onions - then stop by the toilet and empty my stomach just as if I had actually eaten it."

Hyper Smells Inc. is also reporting they are close to a new standard for a Hyper Taste Transport Protocol. A peripheral device in the shape of a popsicle sends signals to a person's tastebuds when licked. For now, bandwidth requirements and processing power limit the device to a single flavour; brussel sprouts. According to a company spokesman, researches are close to a breakthrough with flavour potentials including spam, vinager, spam, cod liver oil, spam and vanilla.


Minka said...

What? are you serious?

IDiveAtNight said...

Uhm, sure.

Don't they have this in Iceland yet?

Internet smells: the first use of an Internet technology that wasn't pioneered by the porn industry.

J. D. said...

A few more ramblings like this and I'll give up blogging. Haven't you got something more fun and interesting to do, like cleaning the bathroom? LOL.......J.D.